Definitely not DejaVu
by just another blue-eyed stranger
Summary: It had been a dark night on the night they’d arrived at the burrow. It's a night that Harry will always remember, even if he refuses to remember what happened next.
1. Prologue

**Definitely not deja vu. **

**Prologue. **

It had been a dark night on the night they'd arrived at the burrow. Harry could remember how they'd struggled though the rain on that dark night, how Ron had wrapped his arms around Hermione as they walked and how Hermione had kept her cloak wrapped around the bundle in her arms. That had been the reason they were going to the burrow in the first place.

The burrow had been, in their eyes, safe. Of course, as Harry realised now, that was a misconception. In those days nowhere was truly safe, and the burrow was probably more of a target than most other places, but it was hard to forget all those summers when the burrow had seemed like the safest place in the world. It had been Ron's idea, of course, to go to the burrow but none of them had rejected it.

Harry could remember the look on Molly Weasly's face when they had turned up on the doorstep. A mixture of relief and concern. He'd expected her to be angry with them but she hadn't shouted. Instead she had ushered them inside and wrapped them in one of her bone crushing hugs before holding them at arms length and checking them over.

He remembered seeing Ginny standing in the doorway wearing the same expression on her face as Molly. He smiled at her and she wordlessly wrapped him in yet another powerful hug. He could remember looking over her shoulder to see Ron grinning at him, his arm still wrapped around Hermione, and thinking that they definitely made the right decision in returning to the burrow.

But reunions had not been the real reason they had returned. The real reason had been the sleeping bundle in Hermione's arms. Harry remembered the shock written all over Molly's face when Ron told her about his daughter and how Ron and Hermione's smiles had faltered as looks of uncertainty had crossed their faces. But when he looked again Molly had quickly rearranged her face into a smile and looked quite content when Hermione handed her the baby.

It was then that they had asked the question that Harry could see neither of them really wanted to ask, but that was necessary in order to keep their daughter safe. Molly had looked up at them in surprise; clearly she had thought that they'd be back for good. She was mistaken. There was still at least one more battle to go. The hardest battle of all. Molly nodded her head and made them the promise they needed.

But it was the end of that night that was most engraved on Harry's memory. The moment when they had to leave. He could remember quite clearly how Hermione had cried and even how Ron had shed a few tears but what he remembered most was the look in Hermione's eyes. She had smiled at Molly as she spoke a quiet thank you but it was a sad smile. He could see in her eyes that she didn't think she'd be returning.

There had been so much uncertainty surrounding their departure. Would the burrow stay safe? Would they win the battle? But to Harry they real question was would they return alive? He had sincerely hoped they would. He could even see a future where the three of them returned unscathed, with Voldemort nothing more than a nightmare from the past. But had known in his heart that that was just a dream. He just hadn't been prepared for what had really happened.

When Hermione's fear had finally been realised.

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A/N :-

The title may not match the story, but until I discover a better one it will have to do. There is reasoning behind it though as parts of this story may seem vaguely familiar but I assured you they're not!


	2. Of photographs and families

**Chapter 1**

Harry carefully wiped his quill clean, laid it back on his desk and stretched his arms out in front of him. He'd been getting his notes ready for what must have been hours by now and he felt it was probably high time he had a break. That cup of tea that was probably waiting downstairs was sounding quite appealing. And anyway, he reasoned, he probably didn't even need to be writing out lesson plans; it wasn't as if it was going to be the first time he'd ever taught DADA. And over a decades worth of Aurora experience should have prepared him enough. That and the war.

He glanced over at the photograph perched on the corner of his desk. Two familiar faces waved back at him. That was why he started writing these notes, he thought. He could just imagine Hermione telling him that he should make sure he's completely prepared and how it would be different to teaching the DA before suggesting what books he should be setting his class. And Ron would probably just be telling her to lay off and let him do it himself.

He sighed and was about to get up when a sudden thought struck him. How long had it been since that night? Ten, maybe eleven years? No, he thought, it was probably closer to twelve. He looked back at the photograph and then picked it up. He could remember taking it just before they'd left for Godric's hollow, but he'd left the camera at the burrow so the pictures hadn't been developed until much later. They'd never seen this picture, he realised.

That brought him back to the earlier realisation. Caitlin. They'd never really seen her either. Although if he really thought about it neither had he, and he didn't have the excuse of being dead to fall back on. And after he'd made that promise to Ron as well; 'if we don't…well you know, you will look after her won't you Harry?' But he had made sure she was safe. When the burrow was attacked he was the one who had suggested Hermione's parents, and that really had been the safest place to be at the time, what with Voldemort still on the lose. And it had still been the safest place afterwards when Voldemort was gone and the death eaters wanted their revenge.

So there she was living with muggles, not completely in the dark, but not really knowing the full story. Oh well, he supposed, living without magic for a while hadn't done Hermione any harm so it shouldn't do her daughter any. Still he felt the guilt creep in when he remembered how much he'd hated being in the dark for all those years.

Harry was brought out of reverie by his wife shouting at him from downstairs. Oh yeah, he thought, that cup of tea. Probably best to go down and get it and stop dwelling on the past. Never did him any good doing that.

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Harry was nervous as he walked towards the house and rung the bell. He wasn't sure why. He hadn't even been sure he'd wanted to come but Molly had been insistent saying that if anyone should go it should be him, after all its what they would have wanted. There was no arguing with that. So there he was, standing outside the Grangers door clutching a Hogwarts letter in his hand, and waiting.

He could hear voices inside, gradually getting closer and then he heard the door click open. And there she was. Caitlin Weasly. He didn't know quite what he'd expected, red hair maybe. Instead she had dark hair, but it was scruffy rather than bushy. She looked at him with bright blue eyes and a familiar grin on her face.

'Hello', she said, still grinning at him.

'Err…hello.'

'Who's at the door Caitlin?' he heard Hermione's Mum call as she came down the stairs. She stopped abruptly when she saw him. Harry felt a slight wave of uncertainty; he didn't really know the Grangers. In fact he had barely spoken a word to them before he'd shown up on their doorstep asking them to take care of the grandchild they didn't know they had, and bringing news of the daughter they didn't know they'd lost.

'Can it be…Harry Potter?' she smiled at him. He smiled back. 'Come to tell us all about Hogwarts no doubt', she said. He was surprised to notice that there wasn't a hint of bitterness or sadness or any of the other emotions he would of expected in her voice. He'd thought what with Hermione being -, well that wouldn't have happened if she hadn't gone to Hogwarts would it?

Mrs Granger must have noticed his confusion because the next thing she said was 'we've been expecting you.' And Harry realised that of course they must have been. There was no way that Caitlin would have been going to any other school with Hermione and Ron for parents.

'Cup of tea dear?' Mrs Granger asked.

'Err, yeah. That'd be great, thanks', he replied.

'Are you really Harry Potter?' Caitlin asked eyeing him suspiciously.

'Of course', he said and he held out the letter that he was still holding. She took it, but not before saying 'I thought owls delivered letters'. Harry couldn't stop himself from laughing at that as he walked into the house shutting the door behind him.

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A/N :-

Longer chapters from now on…hopefully!


	3. Back to the burrow

**Chapter 2**

It had been a good shopping trip, Harry thought as he and Caitlin made their way back to his house. He'd picked her up earlier that day to sort her out with all the things she'd need for Hogwarts. Obviously her grandparents, Hermione's parents, couldn't have taken her because of the anti muggle charms placed around Diagon Alley. So far the whole day had reminded him of when Hagrid had first taken him to Diagon Alley, so much so that he often looked over his shoulder expecting Hagrid to be there. Of course he hadn't been.

So, shopping done, they were going back to the burrow for what was left of the summer. He'd persuaded the Grangers to let Caitlin stay with the Weasly's for a few days although, if he was honest, it hadn't really taken much persuasion. In fact, once again, it seemed like Mrs Granger had expected him to ask. It made him wonder why Hermione had been so bad at divination when her mother appeared to have a very fine tuned inner eye.

He quickly glanced down at Caitlin, just to reassure himself that she was still there. She was. He found it strange that she found it so easy to trust him. He'd found it difficult to trust anyone new for a long time now; yet another thing left over from the war. He supposed it must be because the Grangers had trusted him, after all she couldn't possibly remember him from all those years ago.

He also found it strange that she hadn't bombarded him with all the questions he'd been mentally preparing himself for. All those difficult questions that he wasn't sure he could answer. In fact the only questions she'd really asked had been about magic. It turned out that Hermione had left nearly all of her schoolbooks behind and Caitlin had wanted to know if all the things she'd read about were true. That'd made him laugh. Although she insisted, when he asked her, that she hadn't learnt them off by heart. According to her there were far more important things to be doing than learning books word for word, but scanning them for something interesting was okay.

It was conversations like that that reminded him. Some of the things she said brought back so many memories. At times like that he found it hard not to search for his all too absent friends, even though he knew he shouldn't. He remembered how people had done that to him. Too many people had only seen his parents in him and not the person that he really was. He may have been similar in some respects, but not in most. He figured it must be like that for everyone, similar perhaps but not the same. Never the same.

He looked up to find that they were standing on the doorstep of his house and Caitlin was looking at him expectantly. He reached for the handle to open the door but someone beat him to it.

'Harry! I wasn't expecting you so early,' Molly Weasly said as she ushered them inside. Once the door was safely closed behind them she turned round, her eyes resting on Caitlin. She smiled, though it seemed to Harry to be a smile tinged with a slight sadness.' Is this really little Caitlin,' she said, 'you've grown so much since I last saw you I hardly recognise you!' Harry only had a few seconds to wonder at how blatantly obvious Molly's last comment was, especially seen as she hadn't seen her for nearly a decade, before he was sat down at the table and a bowl of steaming soup was placed in front of him. 'You must be hungry after that long day shopping,' Molly said.

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A/N :- 

Recommended listening – Sigur Rós. Not because their songs relate to this, well maybe depending on what you hear in them, but just because they are mind-blowingly awesome.

Incidentally I also feel I should mention that this chapter was hard going, probably because it was purely just a way of getting from A to B. I may edit it in the future, I may not. Who can tell.


	4. Letters between lovers

**Chapter 3 **

'I'll help you unpack, we've got a while before the 1st September.' Harry called as Caitlin went to fetch her other bag from downstairs.

He reached into the trunk and pulled out a few clothes before his hand finally rested on a large leather bound book. It wasn't one he recognised. Intrigued he couldn't help opening it, he just wasn't prepared for what he found. In the back of his mind he'd known it would be a photo album but somehow he still hadn't expected to find a picture of his eleven year old self, next to a similarly aged Ron and Hermione, smiling back at him. He sat down without taking his eyes off it. Flicking through the pages he discovered many similar photographs of the three of them at Hogwarts, he only vaguely noticed that the photograph Ron and Hermione got closer together in each photograph and that the photograph version of himself looked more and more disturbed. These photographs were interspersed with pictures of other people and there were even a few of the Hogwarts castle, along with a few pictures of just Ron and Hermione that Harry didn't remember ever seeing before.

When he reached the last photograph he eventually looked up to find Caitlin and Molly watching him. He wasn't sure how long they'd been standing there.

Caitlin walked over to the trunk, kneeling down beside it and pulling out a wad of parchment tied together with a ribbon. 'I found these too,' she said quietly before handing it to him. He took it with shaky hands and carefully untied the ribbon, not really sure what he'd find when he did. He unfolded the first page to find a familiar messy scrawl all over it. Ron's handwriting.

_Dear Hermione, _

_Happy Christmas! _

_Hope you liked the present, thanks for the every-flavour beans. Really great, although I reckon I might have found a bogey flavoured one, George warned me about them._

_You'll never guess what Harry got, an invisibility cloak! No name on the tag, still it is really amazing! I'd give anything for one of them! _

_Haven't found anything on Flamel yet, but we could look anywhere with an invisibility cloak! I'm sure we're bound to find something. _

_See you when you get back._

_Ron._

He flicked to another page.

_Dear Hermione,_

_How are you? _

_I got your letter and you're right, I haven't heard from Harry either. I know you're worried but maybe we should give him a bit longer. I'm sure he won't do anything stupid. He probably just needs some time, you know, after what happened to Dumbledore. We'll see him soon anyway; he'll probably tell us everything we need to know then. _

_You should see what it's like round here at the moment. Mums going mad with all the wedding preparations. Fleur has all these big plans for it and a guest list that's taller than me! Ginny's not happy either, doesn't like the bridesmaid dresses. Can't get any peace. Bill's looking much better though, just a bit wolfish. _

_Hope everything's alright with you. I don't think you should be worrying about saying goodbye to your parents; we are going to come back. And things aren't exactly set in stone, Harry might decide that we should go back to Hogwarts. _

_Just don't worry, take care, and I'll see you in a week. _

_Love Ron._

He scanned through the rest quickly. She'd kept them all. Every letter Ron had ever sent her, right from first year. Feeling a bit overwhelmed he flicked to the last letter.

_Hermione,_

_Still set for tomorrow. I'll apparate to you and then we'll find him. Remember to bring the book with you; I think we'll need it._

_Love Ron._

'Where did you go?' he heard a small voice ask. He looked up.

'Sorry?'

'They were looking for you, where did you go?' Caitlin asked again. He thought back, to the memories he'd rather forget. He remembered leaving them to find the last horcrux himself, he had thought he'd known where it was and he'd been doing what he'd considered the noble thing at the time. He'd left them while they were sleeping with a note telling them not to follow him. It seemed Hermione had been right to worry about him doing something stupid.

'I went to finish it myself,' he said only vaguely wondering if Caitlin would understand that. It was clear that Molly did from the look on her face. He turned back to Caitlin. 'How did you know they were looking for me?' he asked her.

'Grandma said that…that mum came back, just for one night. Said she needed something.' The book Harry thought glancing back at the letter.

'I didn't know that,' Harry muttered more to himself than anyone else. What did they need a book for he thought. Mind you since when had Hermione done anything before consulting a book first?

'Did they find you?' she asked. Harry breathed out slowly and ran a hand through his hair before replying.

'Yeah', he whispered 'they found me.'

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A/N :-

Okay I think I may have found my storyline, don't think its all too clear yet. Watch this space!


	5. An eye for detail

**Chapter 4 **

He'd been there a while before anyone came to find him. All day and he hadn't come out, instead choosing to sit in Ginny's old room and pour through pages and pages of letters and photographs. He'd tried not to think about his friends much recently. It was much easier not too. It was only last night that Caitlin had shown them to him. As he read through them he felt like he was seeing a whole side of late friends that he'd never seen before. The more he read the more convinced he became that he had to find out what Ron was talking about in that last letter. He never remembered either of them mentioning a book, in truth he hadn't really given them time to.

When he'd left he'd fully expected them to try and find him. He'd only hoped that he'd be able to hide himself well enough. It wasn't that he didn't want them there; it was just that, in his opinion, being anywhere near him was like a death sentence. At least that what he told himself, even though secretly he'd wanted them to find him. Things were a little hazy after that. That was deliberate. There were things nagging at the back of mind; these were the memories that he'd tried his best to forget.

There was a knock at the door and he lifted his head.

'Harry?' he heard someone whisper from behind the door. 'Can I come in?'

'Yeah', he replied and smiled when he saw Ginny poke her head round the door.

'Were you planning on joining us at all today or would you rather stay up here and sulk?'

'I'm not sulking,' he said trying to sound offended.

'Right', Ginny said with a raised eyebrow. 'Well, whatever you are doing up here I suggest you at least stop and come down for tea.'

'Okay I'll be down in a minute.' Ginny didn't move. 'Come on I said I'll be there in a minute!'

'I know what you said, but I also know what you're like. I'll drag you down there myself if I have to.' He grinned at that.

'You could try,' he said still grinning. 'But I doubt you'd get anywhere'

'Is that a challenge?' she grinned back at him as Caitlin came running up the stairs towards them.

'I've done it Ginny, now can I see your broom?' she pleaded.

'Fine, okay, you've worn me down. Go and ask mum for the key to the shed', Ginny said. Caitlin flashed them a smile before rushing back down the stairs again.

'Not Aunty Ginny then?' he asked her.

'No. Makes me feel old', she replied. 'One minute Harry that's all I'm giving you!'

He decided it was probably best to what he was told. Carefully he put away the letters he'd been reading, and the photographs. Downstairs would probably be a welcome distraction, he decided. For some reason he felt as though one of those nagging memories was only a few photographs away from surfacing, and he didn't want that. Not just now anyway.

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_'Ron? Is that you?' he called as he heard the door open and hurried footsteps up the stairs. There was no answer. Preparing himself for the worst he drew his wand as quietly made his way along the hall only to lower it again when his eyes found the familiar red head. _

'_Ron, what are you doing?' still no answer. Ron appeared to be looking for something._

'_Ron, what happened? Is that blood!' he exclaimed as Ron turned around. Ron's t-shirt was caked in it. He picked a cleaner shirt that was strewn across a chair and tossed it to Ron, who quickly swapped it for his own, shutting his eyes tight as he dropped it on the floor. _

_'Don't worry', Ron said, opening his eyes again. 'It's not mine'_

_'What do you mean it's not yours?' Harry said worriedly. 'Whose is it?' he asked, although he was sure he already knew the answer. He could see it in the haunted look in Ron's eyes. Ron took a shaky breath._

_'Hermione's.'_

_'And where is she?' he asked. He could already feel his eyes burning._

'_I buried her', Ron whispered._

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A/N :-

I know I may have mentioned having a lot of practising to do, but everyone needs a break now and then (especially when the sheet music you've been given is so very dull!) Hopefully this will tide you over for a bit.

And just to make it a little clearer, the part in italics is a flashback...i'm sure you got that anyway.


	6. Kit Parker

**Chapter 5 **

He woke to the sound of voices and people rushing around downstairs. It took a while for his head to shake of the sleep before he realised why. 1st of September he thought and groaned. First day of work too. Damn, he'd been enjoying that extended holiday. Still, he supposed, teaching had to be easier than being an aurora. He heard a panicked knock on his door.

'Come on Harry! The train leaves at 11!' He checked his clock. Twenty to ten. Great, he thought, I'm late. He didn't have time to ponder the mystery of why his alarm clock hadn't woken him up, or why Ginny hadn't woken him when she got up.

He hauled himself out of bed and stumbled around his room trying to gather his stuff. He hurriedly threw some clothes on. He guessed that he should probably look at least remotely smart for his first day in his new job but he figured he'd just change on the train, after all, that what he'd always done when he was at Hogwarts. A few unwanted memories started to surface again but he pushed them back down. He didn't have time to moon over them now.

Once he was downstairs he was immediately ushered to the table and a large plate of food was pushed in front of him.

'Eat it quickly Harry, you haven't got much time!' Mrs Weasley said before disappearing into another room. He glanced up in between mouthfuls to see Ginny grinning at him as she calmly sipped a cup of tea.

'You do look at mess,' she laughed.

'Maybe I wouldn't if someone had woken me up earlier,' he grumbled.

'You don't need me to that, you have an alarm clock. And anyway,' she said, still smiling. 'You look really sweet when you're asleep.'

'I'm going to be late!' he moaned. She was still snickering at him, though she was trying to hide it. How could she laugh at a time like this! 'What's so funny?'

'Oh I'm sorry Harry, she said, though she didn't look very sorry he thought. ''I'm sure you'll be fine. Oh and, just so you know, your shirts inside out.

'Great' he mumbled to himself as Ginny walked out of the kitchen. 'Bloody brilliant!'

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Harry was knackered. By the time they'd all managed to floo to Grimauld place with two trunks and an owl it was already quarter past ten, and it had taken them nearly thirty minuets to walk to kings cross and get on platform 9 ¾. The last thing he wanted to do was help sort out a few hundred over excited kids. In fact sleep sounded far more appealing, especially since he hadn't had much the night before.

Still, he helped load the trunks anyway before leaning back against the train and taking in the scene in front of him. He couldn't help feeling a slight twinge when he saw Mrs Weasley hug Caitlin goodbye. Hermione should be there to do that. It should be Ron helping Caitlin with her trunk, not him. He only realised he was staring into space when Ginny came and tapped him on the shoulder.

'You okay?' she looked concerned. He shook his head.

'Fine.' She gave him another fleeting glance before breaking into a grin.

'Good, cause I don't have time to sort you out, the train's about to leave.'

'oh.' He quickly said goodbye to everyone, and the said goodbye to Ginny, which took a little longer, before getting on the train. Once the train was moving he settled down in an empty compartment and fully intended to sleep most of the way there. He was just beginning to doze off when he heard the compartment door open. He decided he was far too tired to talk to anyone now and if they really wanted him they'd come and wake him up. He was relieved when he realised it was Caitlin and another first year. At least they would leave him to sleep.

'So, is this one empty?' he heard someone say.

'Yeah, it's okay, there's only my uncle in here…I think he's asleep.'

'Oh…we won't wake him up will we?' he didn't hear the answer, but he heard a noise that he assumed was Caitlin shaking her head. Slowly he opened half an eye to see that the other voice had belonged to small sandy haired boy with pale green eyes and smattering of freckles across his nose. He shut his eye again.

'Why is your uncle on the train? Is he stowing away?'

'No' Caitlin laughed. 'He's a teacher.'

'Oh…. is he a wizard?'

He heard Caitlin laughing again. 'Of course he's a wizard. He's a famous wizard. He killed Voldemort in the Great War.' She said with pride.

'The Great War? But that was almost a century ago wasn't it? He doesn't look old enough to ha-''

'No not that war, the other Great War.' He could still hear her laughing. Harry found it very strange to hear other people talking about him, even though they'd been doing it for a long time now. It wasn't that people were saying nasty things, they didn't tend to anymore, it was just that it was…well, a weird feeling. He heard the boy speaking again and tore himself away from sleep again.

'I've got loads of catching up to do' he groaned 'I don't know any of this stuff.'

'I don't know much, only what my aunt tells me in her stories.'

'Your aunt tells you stories? What about?'

'All sorts of things! Harry started to drift again as Caitlin launched into a story that sounded quite familiar. When he woke again it was to the sound of a lot of rushing about and someone tapping him on the shoulder.

'Uncle Harry, the train's stopped.' he opened his eyes and, as he expected, Caitlin was stood in front of him, the sandy haired boy was stood behind her looking a bit unsure of himself.

'Okay, I'm up,' he said, still trying to shake the sleep off. He stood up and nodded to the sandy haired boy. 'And whose this,' he said with a smile.

'Christopher Parker,' the boy said.

'Well, nice to meet you Christopher. Guess we'd best get off the train before it leaves again.'

'Come on Kit,' Caitlin said and they disappeared off the train. Harry followed.

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A/N:-

To anyone I confused, I actually went back and made sure I was still making sense! I'm aware that the random memory might have thrown some people, I thought it might! To clear it up, it's one of the memories that Harry trying not to think about. Its not something he's likely to share with anyone so I though a flashback would probably be best. I'll probably end up writing quite a few flashbacks in the not so distant future!

Thanks to everyone else, your reviews make me smile!


	7. Visits from an old friend

**Chapter 6**

'_Ron, wait! Where are you going!' he shouted as Ron turned and walked past him and out of the door. Harry followed him. He could still feel the tears burning his eyes and he raised a shaky hand to wipe them away. 'What do you mean? What do you mean you buried her…is she…' he couldn't bring himself to say it. Ron stopped and turned to face him, saying nothing he silently nodded. He then turned back and went to walk away again. 'Where are you going?' Harry asked again in an effort to stop him from doing anything stupid. This time Ron answered._

'_To see my daughter,' he said without turning round. 'I…I have to see her.' And with that he apperated. Harry stepped back, attempting to steady himself, before apparating himself._

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Harry sat in his office, staring out into the Hogwarts grounds. His office. The idea still felt a little strange. All the times he'd been in this office as a student he never imagined it would one day be his. So far he thought the best thing about was the view. He reckoned that if leaned a little to left he might even be able to see the Quidditch pitch.Unfortunately staring at the view for too long seemed to make him drift a bit too much for comfort.

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_Harry arrived at the burrow with a loud crack. He opened his eyes to the sitting room where he could see Ron walking over to his mother, who was looking a bit shocked and very worried._

'_Mum where is she, I need to see her.' Ron sounded desperate now. Molly was now looking very concerned._

'_Ron, what's wrong, what's happened?' Ron just looked at her, swallowed hard and mutely shook his head as if to say that he couldn't answer that._

'_Please,' Ron whispered. It was then that Harry heard a floorboard creak on the stairs as Ginny walked down with a small bundle cradled in her arms._

'_I couldn't get her to stop crying,' she said. 'What's…what's going on?' Harry watched as Ron quickly walked over to Ginny and lifted the baby into his arms. The second he did she stopped crying. Ron looked at his daughter closely, as if to make sure that she really was there, before kissing her lightly on the forehead, dropping to his knees and breaking down completely. Molly was at his side immediately trying to console him but to no avail. He sobbed as he held his daughter tightly. Harry looked up to see Ginny looking at him._

'_Harry,' she said, her voice shaking slightly. 'What happened?'_

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Harry looked away from the window and back down at the papers on his desk. He thought back to earlier in the term when he'd introduced Caitlin to Hagrid. He been a little apprehensive, not only had he not seen Hagrid for quite a while a while but he didn't want to have to go through what had happened earlier in the week. Praise he could just about take, pointing he'd already dealt with for most of his life, but he didn't want peoples sympathy. The worst had been when he'd run into Caitlin and then they'd both ran into another teacher who Harry only vaguely recognised from his first day. After reintroducing herself and then going on and on about the war she had then, once she realised Caitlin was a Weasley, become very interested in her. After wrongly assuming she must be Bill Weasleys daughter, and not giving either Harry or Caitlin space to correct her, she'd then gone on and on about how much she'd heard about the Weasley's before she began on 'wasn't it a shame about Ron Weasley though'. It was too much. He could tell when he saw Caitlin go oddly silent, mumble an excuse to leave and walk as quickly as she could in the opposite direction.

Thankfully Hagrid hadn't been so tactless.

It was then that he heard a knock on the door, though the door opened before he could invite anyone in. However he didn't mind when he saw who it was. He smiled.

'Hey Ginny, when did you get here?' she gave him a weak smile.

'Just now…look Harry, I've just been talking to Remus and…' she trailed off and took a deep breath.

'What?' he asked nervously.

'There's something I've got to tell you.'

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A/N: -

Originally this chapter was going to be longer but, unfortuantley, i seemed to be suffering a severe case of not knowing what the hell to write.

If anyone has any questions that don't seem to be being answered then please ask them. I'll probably need reminding of all these loose ends I seem to have created. I'm about to create a damn site more of them.


	8. Missing in action

**Chapter 7.**

**missing in action.**

He was angry, no not angry, he was furious. How dare they! How dare they keep something like this from him! It's been eleven years! They'd had eleven years to tell him! What did she mean they never found a body? There was a grave, why was there a grave if there was no body? No, it couldn't be right, they'd have told him straight away if it was true. It didn't make any sense. The anger slowly gave way to confusion. Ginny was looking at him, she looked concerned, he needed to say something.

'…What?' he said in disbelieve.

'The order think they might have found something that will help them find Ron.' She repeated.

'What do you mean find him…he…' he trailed off confused.

'They never found him, that grave is empty. They just added him to the list of missing people.'

'Missing people? …He…but…what?' he tried to work it out in his head. 'He could see the tears forming in her eyes. He could feel them forming in his own eyes. But even when he crossed the room and wrapped her in his arms he could still hear the same question being repeated in his head. _Why didn't they tell me!_

'Wait, did you know about this!' he demanded suddenly.

'Of course not!' she exclaimed. Still the same thought. _Why didn't I know? Why didn't they tell me!_

He only realised he'd said it out loud when he heard Ginny voice an answer. 'Why do you think Harry?' he suddenly felt angry again. It sounded like this was another one of those things he hadn't been told _for his own safety_. He hated that phrase. He'd heard it far too often in the past. In his experience not knowing things was usually more dangerous. He let go of Ginny and backed up a few steps. 

'Wait…they did this to what? Protect me?' she gave him an incredulous look. He took that as a yes.

'Look Harry, they didn't tell any of us because, I don't know, incase we did something stupid. They knew Mum couldn't check because the clock was broken in the attack on the burrow-'

'But he was my best friend-'

'He was my _brother_! Don't even think for one second that you're the only one who feels betrayed!' she paused. When she spoke again it was in a much calmer voice. 'Look, it doesn't matter anymore. It's in the past, it doesn't make any difference now.' That just made him feel even worse. He saw red again.

'No Gin, it does matter! They had no right to…they should have told me!' he screamed.

'And what you have done Harry? Run off to play the hero? Run away to get yourself killed!' she shouted back at him. She wiped her eyes before continuing. 'What would _we_ have done then! What would _I_ have done!'

'He didn't deserve to –' 

'No one deserved it Harry! Not Hermione, not Ron, not anyone else but they did it for you! So that you could win the war for us! Can't you see that!'

He could see it. But it didn't stop a worrying thought from running through his mind, and it was tearing him up with guilt.

'He could still be out there Ginny; we don't even know where he is.' He paused. 'What if he's still alive?' They never even found a body.' He wasn't shouting anymore.

'Harry –' Ginny started, but she was cut off by the sound of the door slamming shut and footsteps running down the stairs. They both looked at each other. He knew who it was and seeing Kit on the other side of the door calling after her only confirmed it. Cursing himself for not shutting the door properly he tore after her, although he wasn't sure what he was going to say when he found her.

When he did find her, in the first unlocked classroom he came to, she was sitting on a desk staring at the wall, though Harry could tell that she wasn't really seeing it. A single tear slowly made its way down her cheek as he sat down next to her. She hastily wiped it away with the back of her hand when she realised he was there.

'I don't know why I feel so sad Harry', she said softly, still staring at the wall. She paused as she wiped away another stray tear. 'I hate them, but you're not allowed to hate dead people.' She turned to look at him. 'Does that make me a horrible person? Is that why they left me?'

'No…' he ran a hand through his hair. He wasn't very good at this sort of thing; he'd always been on the relieving end. He thought back to his own childhood. Had he ever felt any resentment towards his parents? He supposed he must have done, although at the time he'd thought they'd died in a car crash rather than dying to safe his life. He wasn't sure how Ron and Hermione had died. 'It's okay to feel like that.' He paused. ' You know, I never knew my parents either. I…' he stopped. He really was lost for words, so he was glad when Caitlin spoke again.

'What were they like?' what were they like, he thought. How could he even begin to describe them? 'Ginny told me stories but…' she looked up at him 'did they really do all those things?'

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_It was raining. It had been raining all day and he just wished it would stop. It was doing nothing to improve his mood. They'd found hardly anything all day. Hermione had been oddly distracted all day and nothing he did seemed to be able to snap her out of it. Ron had spent the day paying little attention to anything but Hermione. He'd been watching her suspiciously. Harry wanted to bang their heads together for being such a waste of space. After returning from a fruitless excursion absolutely soaked they'd all disappeared into the house and he'd been on his own in the library ever since. It felt like he'd been there for hours, well maybe not hours, but far too long. He got up, rubbed his eyes and went to look for the other two. It didn't take long to find them. He could hear them talking once he got to the first floor. Although his original intentions weren't to eavesdrop once he reached the door he couldn't help it._

_'You could go back to the burrow' he heard Ron's voice say._

_'And why would I do that!' he heard Hermione say angrily._

_'Because it's-' Ron started._

_'Don't you dare say safer! You know damn well that the burrow is in just as much danger as any where else!'_

_'But-'_

_'No Ron! I don't want to hear it! I'm more useful here, I can do research or something but I'm not going home and doing nothing!' _

_The room went silent. He waited a while but couldn't hear anything. Deciding it would probably be safe to go in he knocked and peeped round the door. They were sat next to each other on the bed; Ron had his arm round Hermione. It looked like she'd been crying though she was trying to hide it by wiping her eyes furiously. _

_'Oh, Hi Harry,' said Ron._

_'What's wrong?' he asked. They looked at each other and seemed to silently agree on something. Ron took a deep breath before saying 'We…'_

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A/N:-

I know, this seems to have been a long time coming but I started posting the story on hpff and was trying to get them up to date. Still, just so you don't feel too left out, you are ahead by about a chapter!

Thanks to all the reviewers so far. You're awesome!

I don't want to sound desperate…or be a pain in the arse…but please bear in mind that reviews do spur me on! The more reviews the quicker the update!


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